On Hold!!!

So, here we are at the hospital again.  We had two days at home before we came back.  Amelia continued to have fever after we came home and her blood count was low, so she received a blood transfusion last night.  We have been in the ER for more than 24 hours waiting on a room.  We still do not know what the plan is going to be for Amelia or what is exactly going on with her.  Lots of tests have been run, but we still don't have any answers yet.  So, here we sit and wait....and wait... and wait some more.

There is so much about having a sick child that is challenging- the anxiety over what is going on with your child, having to put so much trust in other people - often strangers to make sure that your child gets well, the sleep deprivation, the changes in your family dynamics,  the waiting, etc...

But, one of the things that is so hard when you spend day after day in the hospital is the fact that you feel like your life has been placed on hold.  Life continues to happen everywhere, and I just feel stuck.  The days are long, and the sleepless nights are even longer.  But, I just have to do the best I can to keep things going and focus on taking care of Amelia and getting her well.  She does make it easy with her sweet and joyful spirit.  Even when she feels terrible, she can almost always manage to give at least a little smile.  Over the past 27 days, we have been in the hospital for 17 of those days and I am not even sure how long they anticipate her having to be here this time around.

I feel horrible for not being able to be there for Hannah and I feel like I have missed so much with her.  This is her last week of 1st grade and I am not able to be there with her.  Hannah is amazingly grounded and and self confident, so I am sure that she is fine.  But, it hurts this momma's heart to be torn between my two girls right now.  I want to be there for both of them, together!!!

I am so ready for Amelia to be well and back to her silly old self!!! And selfishly I am ready to get life back to our version of "normal"!!!